Thank Them for Leaving
written by Acksanna Witherspoon (Couples/Marriage and Family Therapy) on 29/05/19
We hear the stories of how someone in an abusive/toxic relationship will eventually rise up and leave once and for all. It’s so empowering. Yet also so false.
Too many people feel “weak” because they didn’t leave their toxic relationship(s). Instead they stayed… and stayed… and stayed a little longer. And eventually, they tossed you to the side, or the truth behind all the manipulation came out. Once the dust settles, there is this feeling of weakness and inferiority. Top it off with support systems saying “Why did you stay so long?” “How did you not realize what they were doing” “I would have never tolerated that”. Hmph. Doesn’t really help.
People leave a relationship when they are ready. And for some, they are forced out, even when they knew how unhealthy it was but stayed. There isn’t one of these options that makes someone stronger than the other. Remember that. The strength comes from healing afterwards.
Thank them for letting you go.
In your heart you know you would’ve stayed to make it work. That doesn’t make you weak. That makes you stronger than the person who left you to deal with the pain they caused on your own.
Maybe this makes me sound negative for posting the hard/bad parts about relationships. But truth is. Majority of my clients or people I know struggle in their relationships, or struggle from their prior ones coming into it. Or in singleness healing from an old one. This is everywhere we look, people just do a good job of hiding it.
Remember: the right one wouldn’t leave.
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